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Ups and Downs

"How was your weekend?"

Hard to say, really. Saturday was a lot of fun. Sunday really sucked.

soupkills organized a trip to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at a theater near him. I learned two things before I even got to the theater. First, the gift I ordered for my brother's girlfriend is backordered. The company doesn't know whether I'll get it before Christmas, or if I'll get it at all. *sigh* Yay for contingency plans. Second, when Google Maps puts ". . ." in their directions, they apparently mean "We don't have to tell you that you're going to drive on or past all the things you hear about on traffic reports, on roads with inadequate signs that are really scary (not to mention the toll plazas that truly suck if you're one of the poor schmucks who still doesn't have EasyPass) because technically it's all one road." Fortunately, I had looked at the return directions, which were more detailed, so I wasn't surprised by it. I chose to use an alternate route to come home again. 287 is my friend. Cheaper, faster (at least this time), and much more familiar and less scary.

I'm not sure why driving in and around New York is such an issue for me. I have no problem driving around Philadelphia or DC, and even Boston doesn't bother me too much, except that I get lost. That's on city streets, mind you. But even taking one highway through New York -- does it even go through, or is it really around? I have no idea -- makes me very nervous and unhappy.

Anyway... The movie was great. Of course they left some bits out, but films of books nearly always do. I didn't notice any really gratuitous additions. I can't remember how much of the bit at the beginning was actually written, and how much was assumed knowledge, but I think fleshing it out was a very good choice. I had never really consciously noted that it was set at the same time as Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

After the movie, we all went back to Soup's apartment, for conversation and games of one sort or another. I discovered that I'm rather bad at Scattergories, but I think it's fun anyway.

My major goal for Sunday was quite easy to accomplish. Last weekend, I had bought a couple of under-the-bed boxes, for storage of wrapping paper and other such things. I got them home, and discovered that my bed was about half an inch too low for them to fit. Thus, this weekend I went out to buy bed risers. My bed is now much taller. Interestingly, it is also now level with my nightstands. The boxes still aren't under it, but I think I may possibly want to use the wrapping paper in the next week. ;-)

Then I got the email that ruined the weekend. The spots on Grandma's lungs are definitely lung cancer this time. (She'd had spots a couple of years ago, but they went away. We were all hoping it would happen again.) Because of the state of her lungs, and the rest of the physical condition, any sort of treatment is very unlikely to improve her quality of life, and very likely to make it worse. So, all they are going to do is keep her comfortable for whatever time is left. We don't have a good sense yet of what that will be. The nurse practitioner mentioned hospice, which would indicate six months or less, but Grandma doesn't think she feels that bad. However, it's very likely that this will be our last family Christmas at Grandma's.

Merry fucking Christmas.

This has not been a good year for me and mine. Two of my friends lost family members this spring, in both cases people who I knew; I lost my grandfather this fall; and now this.

I guess it's silly for me to be so upset over losing grandparents, when I'm lucky to have still have them at all at this age. When friends of mine have lost their parents. But I'm having trouble putting on the stoic mask that's expected of me.

And yet, for all that I should be practical and realistic, I'm mad at myself for having the practical, realistic thoughts. Such as, I guess I don't need a sofa after all, since I'm going to inherit the antique loveseat sooner than I expected. Gosh, what a good thing I decided to take the travel insurance on my airline tickets for March. And, so much for not using my 2006 vacation time on funerals.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled holiday cheer. Yeah.

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
lurse
Dec. 19th, 2005 06:07 pm (UTC)
*hug* I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother..that news is awful to get. I don't think you should feel silly about being upset, your grandparents are obviously very important in your life. If you need to talk, I'm here.
turtle_morn
Dec. 19th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC)
It isn't silly at all. How long other people have family doesn't change how hard it is for you to lose people. When grief comes from the way our lives change when people aren't in them anymore, it doesn't help to know they had long good lives or that you got to know them for however long you did, it just sucks.

*hugs*
(Anonymous)
Dec. 19th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother. You have every right to be angry or sad or upset or any damn emotion that you happen to feel. Your lose is no less important because it's your grandmother and not a parent.
ladyaphrodite
Dec. 19th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
Opps. That was me. I forgot to sign in.
crifmer
Dec. 20th, 2005 05:02 pm (UTC)
Hey, you already know, but I say it again:

I love you and I'm here.

Don't get mad over the practical thoughts... they're natural. You may or may not be surprised at some of the insanely practical things people think in moments of stress of intense emotion. It's the mind's way of keeping itself sane.

You need, you just ask.
ourika
Dec. 24th, 2005 05:38 am (UTC)
I want to back up what's already been said - what has happened in other people's lives doesn't have bearing on what has happened in yours. You need to focus on your life and dealing with that as opposed to trying to compare it to others. When you hurt, you hurt.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )