Stephanie (collacentaur) wrote,

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And on the 12th day of Christmas... I wrapped up the year.

As usual, I'm running a little late. I was going to write this New Year's Day, but got very caught up in doing... nothing. Hmm. However, it's still Christmas today, so I'm in the same season, at least.

2009 was a good year for me.

I ended the year down 34.3 pounds from my starting point in November 2008. I had made it all the way to 40 pounds down - and held there for about five months - but the holidays and my crazy schedule did me in. I'm easing back in to the diet and exercise routines, intending to be up to speed in two weeks. I still have 23.2 pounds to my goal weight, which is still about 20 pounds above the top of the charts for my height. Trudge, trudge.

In January, I saw a doctor and had a physical for the first time in ten years. Surprisingly, my bloodwork indicated that I'm perfectly healthy. After a follow-up, in February I went on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety drug. The difference it has made to my life is colossal. I know I keep going on about it, but it's been one of the biggest things that ever happened to me. The only comparable event I can think of is when at age 6 I got my first pair of glasses, and could see for the first time that trees had branches and leaves.

In April, I had the great honor of officiating for my brother's marriage. Some girls dream of being brides. I always dreamed of performing a wedding ceremony. It was a wonderful gift to be able to fulfill that dream, and at the same time show my love and support for my brother and sister-in-law.

Sammy, my darling godson, was born at the beginning of May, and baptized on my birthday in mid-August. He's eight months old now. I wish I lived closer, so I could see him more often. Watching him learn and grow is amazing. Holding him, feeding him, having him fall asleep in my arms, seeing the love and trust in his eyes - the joy I feel in all that is indescribable.

I decided in the fall that I needed to start doing things that interest me, without hauling half the tribe along as well. I bought tickets for a number of events at the Morristown Community Theater. Some I'm taking people to, some I'm attending by myself. I also went to Philcon, the Philadelphia area SF convention, in November, as described in more detail previously. For once, I'm really enjoying change.

Meanwhile, in the last six months, I've had a couple of intense - although at least the first one was mercifully brief - crushes. It's been quite some time since I had that kind of interest. I think that this summer I must have subconsciously come to the realization that I had consciously in mid-December: I'm ready. For years I've been saying I was single-by-choice, that I wasn't interested in having a relationship and therefore I wasn't looking for one. Now, I am interested, and therefore I'm officially looking. Not that I expect that to change my actions or my life much, of course.

That brings me to date, essentially, as I wrote December quite throughly. New Year's Eve was quiet, just me, Jeff, and Amy and Craig. For the first time in many years, I didn't feel lonely and alone, and I didn't get depressed. That's probably partially because it was such a small group, and partially due to the meds. Whatever the reason, it was a refreshing change. Every good day I have makes me more optimistic about the next one, and predicting my moods seems to be along the lines of creating them.

Oh, and I finally finished the Dear Friends series. So that's a New Year's resolution I don't have to make again this year.

So what's on tap for 2010?

I'm going to another con, Arisia (in Boston), in ten days. I'm taking Bryan - as my parents put it, as an "insecurity guard" - and hopefully that will give me enough of a comfort level to interact more. It's an exciting new hobby for me, and I'm planning to keep going to more, as long as I don't do something horrifically embarrassing which will force me to retreat. Besides, it's my most likely venue for meeting guys.

I have doctor appointments scheduled, one for later this month and one for April. The first one is the one I've been putting off, and should help me start getting some of my remaining issues dealt with. April is the regular doctor for the physical again (I was aiming for early March, but they were more booked than I expected), when I'll ask about tweaking the meds. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I'm going back on the diet and exercise regime.

I'll continue making semi-regular trips to DC, and it looks like I'll probably be adding in more regular trips to MA. Combined with the gaming in PA, theoretically every other weekend, plus the various other things I'm doing, I may hardly ever spend a weekend at home. (And yet I think I have time to try dating and/or relationships?)

I intend to organize group trips to the zoo, the aquarium, and a ren faire.

I'm going to write more essays here, and start a new blog for certain topics, which will actually require some study and time devoted to it, not just babbling during down times at work.

Speaking of which, I still have the full-time-plus job.

And if somehow I still manage to have time left over, I might consider sleeping!

Given all of that, I don't think I really need to make any New Year's resolutions this year. My plate is full already, and I'm planning things that include personal growth and self-improvement.

2009 was a good year for me. I think 2010 is going to be better.

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