Stephanie (collacentaur) wrote,

getting ready

I have heard people complain about how long it takes women to get ready. Here is why putting on a simple dress for a party in my own home took me 45 minutes:

1. Use bathroom.
2. Soak head. (Showered earlier.)
3. Dry hair.
4. Dry floor where I dripped.
5. Brush hair.
6. Apply hairspray.
7. Dry hair.
8. Brush hair.
9. Locate makeup bag, which has disappeared again since I took the nail clippers out of it.
10. Apply foundation, powder, and eye makeup. Wonder why I am bothering with the eye makeup - I usually only do that for formal pictures.
11. Hunt for lipstick. Realize usual color of lipstick is in purse. Find useless color of lipstick hiding among shoes. Wonder what was in makeup bag. Realize that was the lipstick I bought for Arisia to go with the body glitter and then forgot about - sweet, innocent, but SPARKLY! Decide that's good enough. Apply lipstick. Briefly contemplate body glitter and decide John would kill me.
12. Put on control top pantyhose.
13. Put on bra.
14. Put on dress.
15. Realize that dress is cut too low under the arms to wear daily-use bra. Take off dress. Find underwire bra. Put on bra and adjust boobs to sit properly in it. Three times. I hate that bra.
16. Put on dress. Sigh in despair upon realizing that underwire bra pushes flab around so now it's hanging out.
17. Notice that the control top isn't controlling as much as I wanted. Resolve to go back to at least the situps from the exercise routine. Attempt magic with spandex shorts. Fail. Briefly contemplate wearing a different dress, but realize that nothing else I own is either remotely near my size, or appropriate for a cocktail party. Pout. Get over it.
18. Locate shoes. (The observant will recall that they were next to the wrong shade of lipstick. Too bad you weren't here to help. I note, for the record, that I own only three pairs of dressy shoes, all black, and any of them would have been appropriate.)
19. Stare at jewelry. Settle on opal earrings, my watch, and nothing else. The neck is too high for a necklace.
20. Brush hair again.

Now, I need to find batteries for my camera, so I can talk someone into taking my picture. Because after all that effort, it would be a shame not to have photographic evidence, right?

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