I'm struggling with Christmas this year. I know I'm not alone in that. I've seen a lot of people saying the same thing. I'm getting everything done, slowly, but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. With everything I do, I'm asking myself why I'm doing it, and whether it really matters.
I sent out 36 Christmas cards this year. So far I've received two. I know the season's not over and I'm not the only one running behind. I never expect anywhere close to the number I send. But... two? I advertised my open house, but I don't know if anyone other than Amy and Craig will stop by. So I'm having trouble getting motivated on the cleaning and shopping and planning. I haven't baked any cookies at all. I'm not sure if I'm doing any of these things for others, or for myself. If no one else cares, and I'm not into it, why am I even bothering?
Christmas spirit has a way of slipping in past negativity, though. I know that one of my cards brightened someone's day. If I made a difference, no matter how small, then it's worthwhile. Amy's hairdresser asked her about the cookies.
daernhelm told me tonight that he's trying to figure out if he can manage to visit for a little while on Christmas. I know it's not really practical and it isn't likely to happen. I won't be disappointed. It's enough that he's thinking about it. That makes my whole Christmas, right there. All these little things add up to bring me the magic.
I still believe in the magic of Christmas. When I come downstairs on Christmas morning, I'm holding my breath to see if Santa filled my stocking. I believe I'm going to get kissed under the mistletoe. I hope someone unexpected will stop by to see me. It doesn't matter that I haven't hung a stocking or so much as seen mistletoe in close to ten years. The hope and anticipation doesn't go away. And every year, there's something special and surprising and beautiful at Christmastime.
So, this year, even if I'm struggling, I'm sticking with it. The magic's still there. I just have to hang in there and let it happen.
I sent out 36 Christmas cards this year. So far I've received two. I know the season's not over and I'm not the only one running behind. I never expect anywhere close to the number I send. But... two? I advertised my open house, but I don't know if anyone other than Amy and Craig will stop by. So I'm having trouble getting motivated on the cleaning and shopping and planning. I haven't baked any cookies at all. I'm not sure if I'm doing any of these things for others, or for myself. If no one else cares, and I'm not into it, why am I even bothering?
Christmas spirit has a way of slipping in past negativity, though. I know that one of my cards brightened someone's day. If I made a difference, no matter how small, then it's worthwhile. Amy's hairdresser asked her about the cookies.
daernhelm told me tonight that he's trying to figure out if he can manage to visit for a little while on Christmas. I know it's not really practical and it isn't likely to happen. I won't be disappointed. It's enough that he's thinking about it. That makes my whole Christmas, right there. All these little things add up to bring me the magic.I still believe in the magic of Christmas. When I come downstairs on Christmas morning, I'm holding my breath to see if Santa filled my stocking. I believe I'm going to get kissed under the mistletoe. I hope someone unexpected will stop by to see me. It doesn't matter that I haven't hung a stocking or so much as seen mistletoe in close to ten years. The hope and anticipation doesn't go away. And every year, there's something special and surprising and beautiful at Christmastime.
So, this year, even if I'm struggling, I'm sticking with it. The magic's still there. I just have to hang in there and let it happen.
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hopeful
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- Stephanie
Comments
The penguin is adorable, and fitting. :)
Cards are just too overwhelming for me - I feel like I have to write notes on all of them, and with all the student thank you notes I need to write, I just can't do it. I should pick a calmer time of year and send out Happy August cards or something.
For me, I think sometimes I do things because it is the repetition that makes it in to magic. Even in years when I really don't feel like it, I go through the same motions, and there's some magic in ritual, I think. I hope in some easier year it will be meaningful to me that I hung the stockings and baked the cookies even in hard years.
Merry Christmas. :)