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I miss you.

Dear LiveJournal:

I miss you.

Our relationship hasn't been the same for several years.  It's my fault, I know.  I have been too busy living my life to spend time writing about it.  And I've cheated on you, playing with other social networking sites, even starting to dabble with a different blogging platform.

But you've changed too.  You used to be the home where I could talk to my friends, let them know what was going on with me, and get their comments and advice, without feeling badly about taking up their time if they weren't interested. Now, when I drop something in, I can almost hear the echo.  Are you out there?  Can you hear this?  If I'm talking to myself, I don't need to do it on the Internet.

As much as things have changed, what I want to talk about isn't all that different.  I still need reassurance that even an ugly fat chick can still be desirable.  I need reassurance that I'm worth more than I fear in depression and doubt.  I want to vent about confusion over men -- this one who I've had a crush on for ages, that one who I flirted with -- and to figure out how on earth, in the unlikely event that I should ever find a SECOND person who can put up with me, to negotiate the pitfalls of balancing my time between a Shiny New and my beloved partner. And speaking of whom, I want to be able to find help to solve his problems and calm his insecurities as well as my own, and I want somewhere where I can gripe about little things -- or big things -- without anyone thinking it's a Problem.

I may not be in touch often, but I still love you.  You're irreplaceable.

Love, Steph.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 7th, 2014 01:30 pm (UTC)
"I still need reassurance that even an ugly fat chick can still be desirable."

You are doing much better than I am with this one.

Love you - M
Jan. 8th, 2014 05:49 pm (UTC)
I still check for posts here so they are not going unread. I'll try to be better about pinging back so you know there are other subs in the ocean.
Jan. 9th, 2014 01:52 pm (UTC)
Still here. Good to see you in these parts. Let's keep storming the gates, shall we?
Jan. 26th, 2014 06:10 pm (UTC)
Still here. Glad you are, too. :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )