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Three questions

I liked this meme, but it took a while for me to come up with some decent questions, so I didn't feel right posting it until then.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

I'm going to give everyone the same set of questions, so I'm going to be fair and answer them myself first.

What do you most regret having done?

I have to be non-specific on this because it involves someone else. I did something which in and of itself was not a bad choice and I don't really regret for itself. However, it changed my interaction with someone else and I'm having a hard time fixing that, even though it's entirely my problem and not the other person's.

What do you most regret not doing when you could have?

I think right now I most regret not standing up to social politics and staying involved in the music department in high school. I did not do some things I really wanted to then, I did not pursue music at all in college, except for Pubsingers, and I do not sing at all now. I never had the talent to be really good, or to be worth much training, but I have always loved singing in a chorus or choir. I let petty social concerns, which died away, keep me from something I care about.

What do you most regret never having the opportunity to do?

Travel more widely. I've only been to four countries, including a four-hour layover where I did get to sightsee. Two of them are the US and Canada. I want to see Rome, I want to see London. I want to get to the continents I haven't set foot on. I've never been able to, and I don't know when or if I ever will.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
amy_pearlman
Apr. 16th, 2004 03:26 pm (UTC)
1) Do you like/are you comfortable with who you are?

2) If so, why, and if not, what kind of person would you rather be?

3) What's the most important trait in a close friend?
collacentaur
Apr. 16th, 2004 04:39 pm (UTC)
1) Do you like/are you comfortable with who you are?
2) If so, why, and if not, what kind of person would you rather be?


Yes and no.

On the one hand, I have never liked myself. I have put a lot of thought into this, and I'm still not sure whether it's that I'm just not the kind of person I can like, or whether it's because I judge myself much more harshly than I judge others, or than others judge me. Ironically, one of the things I don't like is that I don't like myself. Trying to live by "love thy neighbor as thyself" does not work well if you don't love yourself. I have a lot of self-doubt. I'm very tense, high-strung, and rigid, and some of those are acquired traits, not natural ones. I feel that no matter how hard I work at improving my social skills, I am not only chronically socially maladroit, but also deteriorating in spite of my best efforts.

On the other hand, I have come a long way. I am stronger, more confident, and more independent than I have ever been. I'm putting a lot of effort into regaining things that I feel I have lost, including but not limited to friendships, hobbies, and creative outlets. I think I'm beginning to succeed. I'm also trying to find ways to be more adventurous, to continue to learn and grow, and to regain control of my life. I'm even learning to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient instead of lonely and isolated. So it's hard to say.

3) What's the most important trait in a close friend?

That's a really interesting question, because my answer is not at all what it used to be, even within the last year or so. For a long time, I would have said honesty. I still value that highly, of course. But I think that's an important trait for all people. At this point, and considering especially close friends, I would say that the most important trait is forgiveness. None of us are perfect, very few are even as good as we'd like to be. We will all screw up, or say things that are hurtful, or disappoint. Sometimes it takes walking away and taking some time to recover. In the last year, I've really come to value the friends who have forgiven my neglect, or my foolish actions, or my harsh words, and rebuilt or started to rebuild something I had lost. It's easy to walk away from something bad, but coming back and trying again is never easy.
(Deleted comment)
collacentaur
Apr. 16th, 2004 07:23 pm (UTC)
1) Given an ideal life, where would you be now?

Happily married stay-at-home mom with one kid now and planning to have a second in a couple of years.

2) Given your current life, where will you be in five years?

Living alone with a cat, working at a law firm, feeling the futility of my existence, and borrowing my friends' kids whenever possible.

3) What's keeping your current life from being ideal (if anything)?

Unrealistic expectations.
(Deleted comment)
collacentaur
Apr. 16th, 2004 07:36 pm (UTC)
2 comments:

1) Stay-at-home moms don't generally just stay home, and they sure keep busy!

2) Vibrant, energetic and need to be out and doing? Are you sure you know whose journal you’re responding in?
(Deleted comment)
collacentaur
Apr. 16th, 2004 07:48 pm (UTC)
I'm astonished and at a loss for words. Really.

I'm very seldom surprised when people tell me things about how they see me, even when they pick out things I didn't think were significant. Usually I can at least see where they're coming from.

I can't see that at all.
(Deleted comment)
amy_pearlman
Apr. 17th, 2004 02:36 pm (UTC)
I understand what he means, although I might have used different words... you animate bigtime when you are hip deep is something that needs to be handled....you'd lose a lot from inactivity...be as crazy as I am now.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )