Stephanie (collacentaur) wrote,
Stephanie
collacentaur

Dear Gaffer:

Dear Gaffer:

I admire you so. You are quite likely the most intelligent person I have ever met. What's more, you were an actor, not by profession but by avocation. I firmly believed most of the time I was young that you were a leprechaun. Honestly, it is still almost as believable as electrical engineer.

Although I know you always found it a challenge to communicate with children, I believe you managed it better with me than with your daughters. Certainly I have always enjoyed listening to you and learning from you. My interest in Gilbert & Sullivan comes from you, through my mother, and it was always your quotes that led me to ask about it.

On reflection, I think it was you who taught me to love fantasy more than my father. It was you who gave me the entire Oz series, four books a year. Both my father and I have benefitted from your interest in fantasy and science fiction. You brought several excellent authors to our attention. I regret that it is too late to introduce you to some of the authors I have started Daddy reading.

Watching your deterioration has been deeply painful for me on several fronts. Not only is it always difficult to see in someone you love, but I think perhaps your form of dementia is what I fear the most for myself. I am not brave enough. The Alzheimers patient often doesn't realize what happens to them, and often their bodies are not affected. You first became trapped in a body which wouldn't respond. Now, with the body left most often in a nursing unit with a bunch of vegetables, your mind lacks the stimulation to fight it. You know what is happening to you. They say you suffer from severe depression. I don't wonder at that. I would be depressed too, to know I was infirm of body and gradually growing infirm of mind. Although it doesn't always show, I know you are still there. My mother says you are on a new anti-depressant which has brought you back to yourself somewhat, that you are doing crossword puzzles and initiating conversations again. I hope so, truly, and I hope it can maintain you there for a while. I have missed you.
Tags: dear friends, gaffer
Subscribe

  • Dear Friends: Closing Thoughts

    After nearly seven years, I've finally finished writing the essays on my original list. This project seemed easy when I started, but it got very…

  • Dear Jeff:

    Dear Jeff: When I started writing these essays, we were still together. I was still in love with you, and I still believed we were going to live…

  • Dear Andrew:

    After an extended hiatus, I am pleased to present #34 in a series, beginning here and listed here. Dear Andrew: It's always been so complicated,…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments