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Here's me

Around this time of year (around two weeks ago, actually) I usually write a year-in-review post. It helps me see patterns when I go back looking at who I've been.

This year, I'm not caught up to November yet. And really, that pretty much sums it up. I spent most of 2012 about three months behind where I should have been, one way or another. Job plus move plus relationship plus Philcon... A lot happened quickly, and I've been either too busy or too exhausted to put thoughts in order.

The weather has been kicking my ass this fall and winter. At this point, I can pretty much tell you what the weather's like any given morning before I even get out of bed. Even though I've got blackout curtains up. Naturally, it didn't occur to me until the day AFTER my doctor's appointment that perhaps it's time to try another round of "your blood work is perfectly normal." So that'll be a thing to remember this summer. Other than the pain problem, though, my health's in decent shape. Well, and I need to lose weight.

As for my head, things are going pretty well there overall. It's amazing how good a stable relationship can be for happiness and positive outlook. And for combatting lousy self-esteem. So are the days (and today was one) when I am reminded that I am VERY good at the work I do.

There are, of course, many things left undone. I owe emails and visits and so much. And there are things I'm not proud of, and some I regret. And that's just 2012. But, you know, it was such an awful year for so many people I know. I've been damn lucky.

And I hope 2013 is better. For everyone.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Christmas shopping

In what is perhaps a new record for lack of holiday participation, Christmas Day begins five days from just one minutes ago, and I have just gotten started with the holiday season. Christmas shopping completed in under an hour. Please, someone tell me quickly if I forgot anyone: two parents, one grandparent, one brother and one sister-in-law, two godsons and one older brother of a godson. And Hugh, or course, but he already got his gift.

I am not thrilled about the minimal Christmas. I love buying gifts for my friends. I can't say I love the epic six-hour gift wrapping marathon, but I love having a small mountain of presents under the tree to give away. Most of what I ordered tonight is getting shipped directly to the recipients, and I am not even planning to put up a tree. I did get wrapped gifts from my brother and sister-in-law in the mail today, and I'm thinking about taking them to Hugh's to put under his tree. That's where I plan to be Christmas morning anyway.

I haven't done any baking. I haven't sent out cards. I did at least locate the cards I bought last year and didn't send out.

I hope that next year I'm still living in the same place and life is relatively stable. This is the one holiday that I really care about. I like spending an entire month celebrating. Being short of time and money and energy and space is just no fun.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed disappointed
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Symbolism

I have a set of sheets that I haven't been able to make myself use in nearly ten years. I need to donate them to the Salvation Army or somewhere similar.

I bought them with Jeff, the same day my bed was delivered. The last time I used them was right after we broke up. Within about two weeks thereafter, at some friend's recommendation, I went out and bought a new set of bedding. The comforter that coordinates with the sheets is now part of the bedding I use with my inflatable mattress. But the sheets have been on a shelf or in a box ever since.

It's not that it was a bad relationship, or even a bad breakup. Jeff and I are still good friends, and the biggest reason we aren't closer is that I'm lousy at maintaining individual communication over distance. But because changing the sheets was the symbol of changing my life and moving on, I just can't bring myself to use them. I've kept them in case of emergencies, but with three other sets, how likely am I really to have to resort to the ones with a psychic aversion field?

And as averse as I am to using them myself, that's nothing compared to how I reacted when it crossed my mind to put them on the bed and make some new memories with Hugh. I recoiled so fast I nearly fell out of the shower.

It seems so ridiculous, and I think that may be the only reason I haven't gotten rid of them yet. There is NOTHING wrong with the sheets. The problem is in my head. But then, that's the point of symbols, isn't it -- to get into the head deeper than what the surface would indicate.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject)

What am I doing this week? Blitzing my way through as many Hugo nominees as possible, so I am an informed voter. Voting closes next Tuesday night.

I have every intention of writing about this in detail, both why I'm doing it and (brief) reviews of the works. I just can't read and write at the same time. So by the middle of next week, I might be posting some stuff. Then again, I might not. My track record for finishing what I mean to blog is not great.
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(no subject)

Watching Star Trek:Voyager, specifically Seven of Nine's first date. This does make me feel marginally better about myself -- I may be direct and awkward, but at least I'm not that bad.

Of course, the fact that I have to compare myself to an ex-Borg speaks for itself.
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(no subject)

Okay, I know I complain too much about advertising in general. I really do expect a higher standard, and I should know better, especially when I'm watching something with broad appeal. However, this one really bothers me.

The commercial is about adoption, and becoming a parent to a child who's already a person. This is good, I support the message, and it's very positive. Then at the end they say "In Pennsylvania, thousands of children and their siblings need their love."

I KNOW what they mean. They're classifying teenagers as not children because what they need from the process is different, and because it is much more emotionally difficult to parent and bond with teenagers than the little ones. They're much less likely to find a home. And people considering adoption SHOULD think about taking siblings if they have the resources, because breaking up family units is bad.

What I hear is different. What I hear is "Thousands of orphaned children in Pennsylvania have adult siblings who aren't able to take care of them." While this may be true, I don't think it's the message they mean. Of course, when it is true, those are generally the ones who need it most. My aunt and uncle fostered teenage boys for about twenty years. They adopted 8 or 9 of them, including a set of three brothers. At least two of them weren't adopted until they were over 18, because their mother was alive and would not sign over parental rights. It's valid. Just... not quite what goes with the video of the five-year-old.
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(no subject)

With more sadness: My former employer, Joseph Mezzacca, Jr., died yesterday. He had been in the ICU since having surgery two days after Easter. While I have been expecting this news for weeks now, it's still upsetting. He was a good friend as well as a good boss, and I'm going to miss him.

Article posted in the local paper

Looks like Saturday I have both a funeral and a wedding to attend.
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(no subject)

I am feeling lonely and unloved. Largely because I've been alone most of the day in the office I just can't seem to leave.

Is anybody wandering by my little corner of the internet this afternoon? Talk to me, please.
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely
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(no subject)

I won at shopping tonight.

I don't enjoy shopping, as a rule. Rather than browse for hours, I prefer the surgical strike method. Go directly to the item, purchase, leave. Unfortunately, clothing seldom works that way. Sizes are approximations at best, so finding something that fits and looks good can take a very long time. It takes longer if you need a specific item.

I have an interview scheduled for Friday morning, and I didn't have a suit or blazer in my current size. So I went to the mall to find a black blazer that fit, was of reasonably good quality, and didn't break the budget.

I went to the mall, parked near the first department store I wanted to try, went more-or-less directly to the store, to the women's section, and with very little delay to the right article of clothing. And it looks GOOD. Not just adequate but actually good. Sadly, finding it on a 25% off rack was a lie, but it was still within what I was willing to spend.

So now I am ready. Plus or minus choosing the rest of the outfit, brushing up on the firm, having my references ready to provide, programming the destination into the GPS, and assorted other minor details, of course.
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(no subject)

I had a theory that my high blood pressure was due to stress from my now-former job, and that it would come down when I left the job and took some time to relax.

I was waiting for a prescription in CVS this afternoon, so I tried the machine there. And got a reading ten points higher on both numbers than the worst I'd had in a doctor's office before they started treating it.

Given the number of cardiac-related incidents in my social circles of late, I'll be making that appointment to see a new doctor sooner rather than later.